The Fenrir
by Marioman2233
Summary: k


It all started when our predictably heroic hero, Cloud, woke up in a haunted thicket. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling scarcely pleased, Cloud poked a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, he realized that his beloved Fenrir was missing! Immediately he called his favorite Mormon, Tifa. Cloud had known Tifa for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Tifa was unique. She was smart though sometimes a little... selfish. Cloud called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Tifa picked up to a very nervous Cloud. Tifa calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths sigh before mating, yet legless puppies usually earnestly turn red *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Cloud. Why was Tifa trying to distract Cloud? Because she had snuck out from Cloud's with the Fenrir only eight days prior. It was a eccentric little Fenrir... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Cloud got back to the subject at hand: his Fenrir. Tifa grimaced. Relunctantly, Tifa invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Fenrir. Cloud grabbed his time machine and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Tifa realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Fenrir and she had to do it skillfully. She figured that if Cloud took the rice rocket, she had take at least six minutes before Cloud would get there. But if he took the Airship? Then Tifa would be very screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Tifa was interrupted by seven funny-smelling Fiends that were lured by her Fenrir. Tifa yawned; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling stunned, she carefully reached for her wolverine and thoughtfully punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the disease-infested jungle, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Airship rolling up. It was Cloud.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of ninja stars, so he knew he was running late. With a skillful leap, Cloud was out of the Airship and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Tifa's front door. Meanwhile inside, Tifa was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Fenrir into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind her elephant. Tifa was exasperated but at least the Fenrir was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Tifa sassily purred. With a calculated push, Cloud opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid genocidal maniac in a pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Tifa assured him. Cloud took a seat right next to where Tifa had hidden the Fenrir. Tifa cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Cloud was distracted. As if it really mattered Tifa noticed a dimwitted look on Cloud's face. Cloud slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Tifa felt a stabbing pain in her ear when Cloud asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Fenrir right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A insensitive look started to form on Cloud's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Cloud nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Tifa could react, Cloud randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Fenrir was plainly in view.

Cloud stared at Tifa for what what must've been five minutes. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, Tifa groped flamboyantly in Cloud's direction, clearly desperate. Cloud grabbed the Fenrir and bolted for the door. It was locked. Tifa let out a flamboyant chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Cloud,' she rebuked. Tifa always had been a little selfish, so Cloud knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Tifa did something crazy, like... start chucking ripened avocados at her or something. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he gripped his Fenrir tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Tifa looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Cloud. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eleven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Cloud. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Tifa walked over to the window and looked down. Cloud was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Cloud was struggling to make his way through the imaginery desert behind Tifa's place. Cloud had severely hurt his kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Fiends suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Fenrir. One by one they latched on to Cloud. Already weakened from his injury, Cloud yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Fiends running off with his Fenrir.

But then God came down with His outgoing smile and restored Cloud's Fenrir. Feeling exasperated, God smote the Fiends for their injustice. Then He got in His amphibious vehicle and darted away with the fortitude of one million disease-carrying chipmunks running from a shrunken pack of South American hissing sloths. Cloud tripped with joy when he saw this. His Fenrir was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in eleven minutes his favorite TV show, Dora The Explora, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When albino cats meet pipe bomb'). Cloud was relieved. And so, everyone except Tifa and a few ebola-toting man-eating capybaras lived blissfully happy, forever after.


End file.
